Letter to the Editor: A clear wall/window
To the Editor:
How does the visitation go for you with your loved one at a nursing home or assisted living? Are you able to see them in-person or through a window (a clear wall) or by screen (computers, cellphones and tablets)? Is this the new ‘norm’ for loved ones in nursing homes and assisted living centers?
If saying this is the new ‘norm’ for today’s life, are we supposed to just accept or deal with it when companionship is part of life? This way of life is keeping children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren and friends away from holding a hand or giving a hug to their loved one. These individuals worked, had a family, endured many of life’s struggles and joys, involved in our communities (some even building our communities), and/or so forth when they were young. And the reward is confinement, isolation, and distant viewings of loved ones that persists due to COVID-19.
Other states have started phasing-in stages. But not here! Why? Here is an experience of what a granddaughter’s eyes went through and many of you have, are or will if lockdown persists:
A day that was beautiful with sunshine for boating on the river, walking through the park, sitting under shade to watch the birds play, and visiting family and/or friends. On this day, I got to visit a family member, my Grandma, through a clear wall (window)...again! But this day was different from other window visitations. My world was turning upside down leading to the gut-wrenching sick feeling. My last day to see my Grandma and again through a clear wall (window)!
Each step to my Grandma’s clear wall (window) felt like another rock was dropped into my shoes. Once I reached her clear wall (window), my Grandma was lying in a hospital bed next to the clear wall (window) in a deep sleep. My mom tried to wake her, but no response. After a few tries, my heart dropped to my stomach and my thoughts,
“She is gone and I couldn’t at least say goodbye with one more I love you, Grandma” through that clear wall (window). As my words filled the mind, the Lord heard and my Grandma’s eyes opened. She struggled to talk and to wave a “hi”.
My hand reached for hers, while she was passing. A clear wall (window) stopped me from reaching to hers. This is when the world stopped. The thoughts that pierced:
I can’t hold her hand on these last hours. I can’t give her a last hug whispering in her ear, “I love you!” I got to see her, but couldn’t embrace the last farewell. My heart will ache for her voice that was welcoming, loving, calming and encouraging. Now, she gets to fly in peace! My soul rejoices, while my heart dearly misses my Grandma!
Thank you for teaching me how to make meatballs! Your meatballs were the best! I love you, Grandma! Enjoy walking amongst the flowers, listening and dancing with the birds, being with family and friends, and singing praises unto the Lord! Oh, one more thing, Grandma, the weather after your farewell to us here was low humidity, cool breezes, sunshine... days to take a walk among the flowers and listen to the birds! But August 7 brought muggy, humid weather with rain August 9. Enjoy the wonderful weather up there! With love, your granddaughter, Amber.
Two days after the funeral, I called about my appointment the next day at the clinic. Because there may have been a chance of exposure to COVID-19, and I wanted to know the best option. They saw no worries to come in for I was showing no symptoms. My heart sank when I heard these words. I couldn’t see my Grandma but through a clear wall (window), especially during her last hours, because of COVID-19. Now a chance that I could have been exposed was okay to go to my appointment felt out of place. Thankfully, the nurse mentioned another option where I could stay home.
There is a time to say it is best to not risk spreading and stay home for two weeks, and a time to say let’s try a phase-in option with all generations and see what happens. My Grandma passed due to the isolation and confinement from COVID-19. The doors could have been opened for two to three family members to see their loved one for a duration of time in-person. They can go through a screening process first... like at the start of COVID-19. How long do we endure through lockdowns? Do we allow the next generation to risk a phasing-in stage, while a previous generation continues in lockdown? When do we say it is time to start the phasing-in stages in all generations?
Amber Huck
Waukon
