Word for Word: Rev. VanderVelden

The congregation I serve is blessed with a sizable number of children and youth who participate in the life and ministry of our church. Twenty to 25 of them regularly participate in Christian education activities Wednesday nights, and many in that lively group worship regularly with their families Sundays.
Over the years, I’ve often heard parents express anxiety about bringing their children to church. Their concern usually goes something like this:
“My kids only go to church because I make them go. It’s bad enough when they are going to  Sunday school where they get to have fun, but when they’re just sitting in church on Sundays and they don’t get anything out of it, it seems rather pointless to make them go.”
I get that. I really do.
Not every Sunday at our house includes our three kids jumping out of bed and leaping with joy at the thought of going to church.
While I try to include elements in Sunday worship that speak directly to children, the reality is that most of the service is adult-oriented. As both parent and pastor, I wrestle with the possibility that all our children aren’t “getting” anything out of worship.
What gives me hope – and gets me out of bed on Sunday mornings – are the results of several recent studies, which show definitively that worshiping together with the larger faith community leads children and youth to deeper faith as young adults. Researchers note an increased “stickiness” of faith in young adults who regularly attended Sunday worship as children.
So there must be something to it – worshiping together with your children Saturday nights or Sunday mornings, even if what they get out of church is not the same as what we adults “get” out of attending church services.
So what is it? What do kids “get” out of church?
Christina Embree, a United Methodist family minister in Kentucky, suggests three important things that children “get.”
First, children get seen. In some churches, parents drop off their kids in the church nursery immediately upon arrival, and they pick them up when it’s time to leave. Other members sometimes are unaware that these people are, in fact, parents. “You have kids? I had no idea!”
One of the most important and meaningful things for children is having someone who knows their name. When kids are secluded from the congregation, not only are their names unknown but their faces are foreign. They are, for the most part, a dismissible part of the church. Only a few volunteers and staff members would miss them if they never came back – which often is exactly what happens when they are old enough to start making decisions for themselves about going to church.
Second, children get to see. The church I serve – like others – has its own forms of liturgy and ways to worship. But Sabbath worship across Christian denominations has many things in common. In worship, the Bible is opened, and the Word of God comes to life. Songs are sung. Common prayers are offered, and special prayers are lifted up for individuals and circumstances. An offering is taken. Creeds that express and teach our faith are recited. The sacraments are celebrated. When it is all said and done, God’s people are sent forth renewed and encouraged to love and serve God, neighbor and stranger.
All of these things are vital for children to learn if we want faith to “stick” on their hearts and in their minds. One of the main ways that kids learn is by watching and imitating “grown-up” activities. It may seem like they are not “getting” anything out of it, but they are learning and growing in those moments when the adults are worshiping. They are watching mom and dad and other adults they respect and trust show them how to worship.
And if they don’t learn that from the church, they will learn it somewhere else. The world has plenty of things to worship and is more than willing to teach kids how to do so. If kids see their parents making Sabbath worship an important priority, then parents are teaching their children that faith is important part of their lives – even if they’re too young to realize that.
Lastly, they get experience. Think back on your own walk of faith. Do you remember the first time you took communion? Were baptized? Were confirmed? Found a Scripture verse in the Bible by yourself? Put money in the offering plate? Shared a prayer concern? Maybe even shared something in front of the congregation?
For many of us, those things happened in the context of congregational worship. You might have done some of these things in a Christian education class before you did them with the larger congregation, but I bet there was something meaningful and affirming about doing it before the whole church.
When we confirmed a group of Presbyterian youth last June, we prayed for them and over them. We anointed them with oil and laid hands on them. When it was all over, we applauded them. Those expressions of love, care, support and belonging left deep impressions on their hearts about their place in God’s church.
At some point, those young people might move on to new places, but the experience of being accepted in the body of Christ will stay with them. Having the experience of an entire congregation embracing them gave them a sense of belonging that is not easily forgotten.
Being a parent in the pew is no easy task. Kids are, well, kids, and parents should be prepared for the inevitable eye rolls of boredom or occasional acting out and having to do follow-up after the service to reinforce what was taught. But these frustrations of the moment are far less painful than the alternative – a generation that is unknown, disengaged, and separated from the larger body of Christ.
By giving our children a place to be seen, to see, and to experience their faith with others, we give them so much more. We give them a foundation for their faith that will leave lasting impressions on their hearts. That is, after all, what we promised to do when we baptized them.
See you in church!

Rev. Grant VanderVelden First Presbyterian Church
Waukon